You've got 'access to all areas' at a big award ceremony, with Boundless's secret movie industry insider…
The stars, the frocks, the air-kissing… Film awards look incredibly glamorous in the papers and on the TV, but this is a carefully presented image.
And while attending is of course fun and exciting, behind the scenes it’s not quite so glam. An anonymous industry insider tells Boundless why.
Main image: Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone at the Golden Globes, where their film La La Land won the best comedy/musical award
1. The queues
Even A-list celebrities have to spend hours in traffic waiting to get to the Oscars – and their limos often line up at McDonald’s drive-ins, as they can’t possibly be photographed eating (canapés are usually hoovered up by lesser mortals).
If you are a regular industry guest, rather than a nominee, you will often have to wait ages behind burly security on the red carpet so you don’t spoil an A-list shot, then hurry down the red carpet so you can queue for the cloakroom and the bar.
Spare a thought for the assembled press while you breeze past them: they've been hanging around for hours in the cold waiting for one word from George Clooney, which they may or may not get.
Photo: Emma Stone, Best Actress in a comedy or musical, for La La Land, at the Golden Globes, 2017
2. The pecking order
If you think you’re going to be clinking champagne glasses with Leo at the BAFTA Film Awards, think again.
There are typically several VIP areas hosting receptions prior to the ceremony, most of which don't have anyone you'd recognise in them (the A-listers are mentally rehearsing their speeches in a green room somewhere, or perhaps a toilet).
Meanwhile, non-nominees are crammed into other rooms, jostling for drinks and trying not to tread on the trains of each other’s sequinned gowns.
In fairness, these drinks are free, but often they don’t let you take them into the actual ceremony, the brutes.
Photo: Hugh Laurie, Best supporting actor in a series or TV film, for The Night Manager, at the Golden Globes, 2017
3. The seating
Watching the Oscars, Golden Globes and BAFTAs on TV, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a relatively intimate affair for 100 or so famous folk.
Not so. Away from the cameras, sometimes thousands of people are seated up in the gods or at the back of the room, so far from the stage that Julianne Moore looks like a little red ant.
A big screen is usually provided for these occasions, making you feel like you have been shunted to the unpopular table at a huge wedding.
Photo: Claire Foy, Best Actress in a TV series (drama), for The Crown, at the Golden Globes, 2017
4. The ceremony
Events like the BAFTA Film Awards are edited for TV, so there’s a delay in case anyone falls over or says something off colour (disappointingly, they rarely do).
This also provides the opportunity to cut it down to a length that doesn’t make your bum go numb.
Not so the actual ceremony, that sees no doubt deserving winners from over 20 categories enjoy their moment in the spotlight with long, long, long speeches.
I am not sure if there is a word for hands that become red raw from clapping, but there should be.
Photo: Casey Affleck, Best Actor in a drama, for Manchester by the Sea, at the Golden Globes, 2017.
5. The after-party
If you are lucky enough to be invited to the official after-party of an awards ceremony, you may not actually get to see anyone famous.
Jennifer Lawrence will probably be living it up with Amy Adams at the Vanity Fair party, or some do with Harvey Weinstein.
You will, however, be permitted to queue for one of several free buses that will take you to an enormous warehouse-like venue.
Here, you will get a slightly dry chicken dinner, sitting next to name-dropping people who are scanning the room vainly for A or even B-listers.
Again, there is free wine, so you won't complain too much.
Photo: Isabelle Huppert, Best Actress in a drama, for Elle, at the Golden Globes, 2017.
6. The reality for the stars
While the celebs certainly get better frocks, seats, parties and goody bags, they may find it harder to actually enjoy the awards.
For them, this is work.
The run-up to the Oscars means a few weeks or even months of non-stop interviews, public appearances, fittings and terrifying advice about how not to stand/sit/look/speak.
The red carpet sees hundreds of microphones and blinding flashes thrust in their faces, after which they arrive blinking into the TV cameras.
Going to the loo is quite a performance, and a risky move if you don't want to be accused of dissing a fellow nominee.
First world problems for sure – but I've never met a celeb who thought an awards ceremony was a relaxing night out. That, as they say, is Good Acting.
Photo: Tom Hiddleston, Best Actor in a miniseries TV movies, for The Night Manager, at the Golden Globes, 2017